Identity In Singleness


Below is an article that I wrote, in 2018 on singleness. Since then, I have had the privilege of meeting, dating, and being engaged to my favorite girl in the world. We will be married on April 25, 2020. You can read that story here. I considered updating this post before sharing since it is obviously written from the perspective of not yet married. However, I decided to post it unaltered in order to maintain the original tone and to best communicate the feelings that i experienced during that season of life. I hope you find it helpful and encouraging.


One thing I have struggled with as a single person is the issue of identity. The reality is that our world places a high value on the relationship status of a person. It is why Facebook has a “relationship status.” Some of the options are single, dating, engaged, married, and it’s complicated (as if to say that only “romantic relationships” are complicated). Imagine if they allowed you to tag every friendship that was complicated. “This is my friend Johny; it’s complicated.” Unfortunately, this marriage (pun intended) of identity and relationship status is not only found on Facebook. It can be found within the church as well — sometimes with greater fierceness. I have lost track of the number of times people have asked me, “Are you married yet?” We have done an outstanding job of fastening identity to marriage with a ball and chain.

Before you think I am totally crazy, I should clarify that marriage is an excellent thing. When two people are married, it is right for them to think of life with the other in mind — they are one flesh. However, a person’s identity is not primarily rooted in their relationship with a spouse. Identity is primarily based on a person’s relationship with Jesus. It’s easy for the single person to find identity in singleness, but this is an inaccurate view of identity. Instead, the Bible teaches that our identity is in Jesus and that reality will not change regardless of what Facebook says. That is an identity you can hold firmly through singleness, marriage, and any other status that life brings. Too often, those who are not yet married begrudgingly find their identity in singleness. When really, they should find their identity in the one who will allow them to walk through singleness with confidence and hope.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I welcome any questions, sarcastic comments, or additional thoughts you may have. Please feel free to reach out HERE — seriously! If you were helped by something you read, please share it with your sphere of influence. Thanks!