How To Process My Emotions?
When it comes to feelings, I’m not what you would call an emotional person. I rarely cry in private. I cry even less in public. When strong emotions are present, I’m typically very slow to identify them and I often identify them incorrectly. Anger and sadness are emotions I often confuse. Perhaps it was the context I grew up in, the way I’ve learned to handle stress, or simply the personality God gave me but whatever the reason, I think emotions are complicated. Others are on the opposite end of the emotional spectrum. They’re what we call feelers. No one has to tell a feeler, “Hey, I think you might be a feeler.” If you’re a feeler, you already know — you’re the person who cried watching Sing 2.
…and Spider-Man, and Lion King, and Encanto — you get the idea.
Feelers are much more aware of their emotions but can have a hard time disentangling them — or so I’ve heard. My purpose here isn’t to elevate one tendency over the other (Feelers vs. Non-Feelers) but to point out that we all experience emotion at various levels. One of the ways we mature as Christians is by learning to process our emotions accurately and then respond appropriately. The goal of this article is to provide you with tools to do that more effectively.
Let me clarify at the beginning that I am addressing everyday emotions, not a mental health crisis. We all experience varying degrees of mental health — just like we all experience varying degrees of physical health. Similar to physical health there are moments when we need the help of a skilled person to get healthy again. Though important, that is not the focus of this article. Rather I aim to provide practical tools to process everyday emotion, which will — I hope — lead to greater mental health long term.
False Dichotomy: Spiritual vs. Physical
Perhaps you’re wondering, why is processing emotion important? The reason is that you and I are not simply spiritual beings — we are also physical beings. There is, in all of us, an interrelationship between our body and our spirit — we are embodied souls. We experience spiritual realities through our physical bodies and our physical bodies impact the way we pursue spiritual realities. It is, therefore, a false dichotomy to think that our physical experiences do not impact spiritual realities. They are not distinct from one another. You cannot love God completely without giving thought to your physical body — emotions included. Jesus made this clear in Matthew when he spoke about the greatest commandment.
Matthew 22:37 // He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”
Notice that we’re to leverage our heart towards loving God. The heart is the center of your thoughts and feelings. It refers to your core feelings and emotions. In other words, your emotions were given to you by God. God’s desire for your life is that you would love him with your emotions — that you would find emotional health and flourishing. Throughout the Bible we see commands connected to and related to our emotions. And Scripture speaks into both the highest and the lowest emotional moments of life. If the Bible takes our emotions seriously, we must as well. Rarely do we drift towards health. Few of us are emotionally healthy on accident — it takes practice, effort, and wisdom. Let me give you four steps that will help you more effectively process your emotions.
The Practice: How to Process Emotion?
1: Recognize
Perhaps this seems obvious but before you can process your emotions, you have to be aware of them. If you are more naturally a feeler this may come intuitively. But for the rest of us, it’s vital to remember: everyone experiences emotion.
Not long ago, I came home after a long day. As I begin to share the events of the day with my wife, she stopped me and said, “Sounds like it was a hard day. I understand why you’re angry.” I replied, “I’m not angry. I’m just really annoyed and every time I think about the situation I get frustrated.” She kindly informed me that the emotion I described is called . . . anger. Sometimes the first step in processing emotions is admitting that you have them.
2: Identify
Once you’ve come to terms with the fact that everyone experiences emotions, it’s time to identify them. Can you identify the specific emotions you are feeling? I’ve found that journaling is the most helpful way for me to identify my emotions. There is something about the process of slowing down and getting everything on paper that brings clarity. I recommend finding a quiet place where you can write without being distracted. At the top of your journal page write “Today I feel.” Then write everything that comes to your mind. I call this process braindump for a reason. It can be helpful to think in categories of core emotions (i.e., sad, glad, angry, lonely, hurt, shame, guilt, and afraid). The important principle, however, is that you write yourself “empty.” You want to get all your thoughts on paper.
3: Rest & Invite
As you write your emotions on paper, you will likely encounter things you don’t like. But let me encourage you. Places you feel emotion most strongly are places God wants to meet you. Your feelings don't catch him off guard. He is with you in your emotion and he’s happy to be there. You are not a burden to Jesus — so rest in him and invite him into your emotion. Perhaps the clearest picture of this is found in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus says,
Matthew 6:26 // Consider the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they?
Matthew 6:28-30 // Observe how the wildflowers of the field grow: They don’t labor or spin thread. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these. If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t he do much more for you.
I love these verses! In them, we see the heart of Jesus. Jesus doesn’t approach our emotions (e.g., anxiety) and tell us to stop; he meets us in them and gently reminds us that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us more than we could ever know. His desire isn’t to shame us for our emotions but to help us cultivate a heart that trusts him.
4: Respond & Cultivate
Once you’ve written everything you’re feeling on paper, it’s time to respond. The best place to take our emotions is to God through prayer.
1 Peter 5:7 // Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for us.
Bring your emotion — the highs and the lows — to Jesus. He is powerful enough to carry them and so loving that he wants to. Let him walk with you. It can be helpful to pray through the list you’ve created with a highlighter marking things off as you go. Praying this way is a tangible way to say, Jesus, I trust you with my emotion. There is nothing you will bring to him that he doesn’t already know. He is not caught off guard by your emotions. He is with you in your emotion and he’s happy to be there.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I welcome any questions, comments, or additional thoughts you may have. If you were helped by something you read, please share it with your sphere of influence. Thanks!